Written: Ironically Ironic

by Beauchamp Art

A short narrative surrounding a fiction band and their attempts to produce a new progressive sound by deliberately play music so badly that it produce a sonically pleasing outcome, a satire of serendipitous contemporary experimental composition, obscure appropriations, and touring shows.


 

“We only play bad music badly, to highlight its flaws, but also the usual standard up to which music is held by popular opinion and academic analysis”

“It takes a lot of effort to play music in such a away that it is both bad and aware of its own potential for greatness, without wanting to just make a great big noise or perform in perfect harmony”

“It all start with doing a cover of Oasis’ ‘Wonderwall’, but making the guitar play in 3/4, the bass in 5/4, the drums in 6/8, and the vocals adopt a totally freeform approach to time keeping, with each instrument changing key according the momentary coincidence of he time signatures, shifting up an interval that was a multiple of the original time signature.”


“When we finally got around to recording, perfecting the technique of being imperfect perfectly, we then each drank 3 bottles of various spirits, and clambered into the recording studio at 4 in the morning, with the producer only operating the volume levels with his nostrils, then playing everything backwards over the top of the performance.”

“Unfortunately, we played so badly, it ended up sounding like a pitch perfect rendition of original song, except we somehow inserted an extra three choruses to the middle of song, but nobody noticed at the time.”

“Any, now we do completely original ironically ironic song, that are so technically composed, rather thrown together from notes in a bucket onto fly paper, which we then totally ignore, but find this is a useful start.”

“We’ve been on tour for the last 6 months, but only been thrown off stage by the crowd at around 30 of the gigs. Sometimes I don’t think we can really put everything into playing badly once there’s an audience in front of us. The singer always gets enthusiastic, and anyone will cheer when they hear the name of the particular place they happen to be in being shouted loudly in a room full of people who happen to have a bond with that venue that we just can’t help. Some of the really cruel gigs just had us face a silent room full of sympathetic faces, or people who think we’re just doing a sound check.”

“I think for the next album, we’re going to have to ship an audience from one venue to another gig, then perform somewhere in-between. There’s some really amazing service station car parks that could use something this ironically ironic.”

“Especially after that short stint we did driving around in a ice-cream van in the middle of the night around the suburbs, we thought that would work, that would have to be bad enough to really have an impact.”

“But apparently everyone in the area was used to it, and a couple of people even found it funny.”

“Some curator got in contact with us after that, asked for us to do it again as a performance in a gallery, but we never do the same song twice, unless we’re playing backwards at double time whilst someone else plays it half speed forward.”

“If worse comes to worst, which we can only hope for really, we can always go back to the Oasis covers played out of tune on banjos, that’s always good for heckles, and we can sample them and use them on the next album.”

“Still, its hard work being bad at being bad without risking going through the other side and ending up back at good, or all the irony just folds up on itself, and we’ll just end up back at Wonderwall, and the guitarist has already bitten off two of his fingers in protest. Does mean when he plays chords, he also lets out a whimper every time he remembers the other two notes he wasn’t meant to play that he missed, and ends up strumming E majors for half an hour every other second. I think the drummer wearing his cymbals on his head has really helps give them that really terrible quality you only get on real cult records though, just a shame he’s been playing his hats for the last leg of the tour, even the bowler doesn’t give that decent badly-tuned bass kick sound you get when you drop a bag-for-life onto a up-turned mic stand.”

“We’ll always be Ironically Ironic though, however badly bad it turns out.”

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